Banned from zoo.
Again?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
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No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
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I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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