apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
