Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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