Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
