i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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