Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
