I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
