Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
