If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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