If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
True strength comes from lack of pants
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
