See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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