We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
