Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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