We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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