just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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