I want to make a zoo with you.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
