Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We're too hungover to prance.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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