Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
