i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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