Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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