Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
