My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
