i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
They are going to name an STD after you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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