this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
