I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
