can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
