Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
