whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
