well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
