My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
