Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
