??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
