I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
