I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
