I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
