when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
