I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
