Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
