So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
