lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
