I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
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I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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