what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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