i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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