...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
