He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
