her vagine was all disorganized.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Someone came in the potted fern
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
