you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
