Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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