Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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