I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
