As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Come on in and take your pants off
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
