oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
