Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
