So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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