Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
