I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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