I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
