I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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