shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
