You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize