The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
