I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
