I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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