i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
