i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And then my night got REAL pukey
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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