I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
