Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
