Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
