why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
