they need to just BURY HIM!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
